The closer he got to his house, the more his heart rate increased.You fucked yourself good this time, a voice deep inside his head said. Yeah, you fuc...ed yourself real good. Was it worth it? Was it worth raping that bitch of a daughter of yours? She got you good, got you real good. Because you're fucked now, my man. And it better have been worth it 'cause the cops are waiting for you. They're waiting at your house to arrest your punk ass. You're gonna be in court again and all the war medals in. As seemingly perfect as things were before, I'd already had inklings that I didn't know how to live, and so didn't know how to be a father - and, for that matter, a husband. My job, upon which I relied for validation, was dead-end, albeit wellpaying. Now, my parents gone, my wife gone, my children gone; what, really, was left?I applied for a leave-of-absence from my job. I set up an automated pay plan to have yard work done, so that the neighbours couldn't complain. And then I shut myself off. Then he was on his was back home and to his average, ordinary, mundane life. The next few months were pretty much normal, at least for a jet-setting fashion model. Amber had worked in New York and L.A. before returning home to Chicago. Before leaving California, Amber called her friend, Judy to see where she was working. When Judy told her she was also in Chicago they decided Judy would pick her up at the airport. The conversation was lively, as usual, on the way to Amber’s apartment. Amber,. It was the time of year when winter becomes depressing, grey skies, cold weather and snow playing a major factor. My mind was occupied not only by a heavier course load that semester, but also by Alena. I missed not only being in that big-ass, cozy bed with her, but also the excitement of our risky sexual adventures. I'd call her weekly from the pay-phone down the hall from my dorm room, but this wasn't enough to satisfy my longing for her. A couple weeks before spring break, she sent me.
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